Uncle Barry's Nephew

Jim Beam Barry

2009-06-14T01:00:00.006+10:00

Been over in Berri South Australia with uncle Barry for the annual "Ferret toss nationals" We headed for the local lager outlet and were surprised to see VB cans going for the weekly special of $48....Fortyfuckingeight dollars.... Its VB. Dude 48bucks I know its 1984 here but fuck me, VB wasn't 48Dollars then either.........After I picked Uncle Bazz up from the fetal position in front of the cool room door, we settled on a beverage the locals here call West End Draught. For the more realistic price of $32. (A slab of southwark was mentioned but quickly dissmissed as a very stupid idea by both of us and the cunt behind the bar) We ended up being lured into "The Jim Beam Promo Bus" and filled full of two new shithouse jim beam products......as most of the towns folk were still at the "after toss clean up" we had the cunt to ourselves.. and all the cans...I thought it would be polite to at least help the promo girls serve us........ they were mingers but...

pensioners in a ford go to Mothers Day Enema party!

2009-05-11T01:57:00.009+10:00

I was so busy today I didnt even have time to notice that not only did the car in front of me have a portable, hospital type boggery in the back BUT if you change a few letters of the plate you also spell......ENEMA........

"maybe someones mum got a visit from the mobile coight cleaners for Mothers Day"

is all Uncle Barry could say when I showed him!!!

Uncle Barrys Nephews a published Cook...and scored a free barbq

2009-03-24T09:46:00.003+11:00

The Heat Beads 2009 Best Char Grill BBQ Recipe was announced at the Global Char Grill Showcase at 5PM Saturday 14th March. Our judging panel faced a huge challenge in selecting the winner - more than 100 entries to tempt the taste buds did not make this an enviable task! Congratulations to our winner Nguyet Tran and our two finalists Antho and Rita Masutti!

Finalist number two: Antho with his recipe for Uncle Barrys Magic Mushrooms

Well the title certainly gets one's attention! And full marks for originality. I love the citrus madness of the habenero chilli but I think that two of them in the marinade (no mention of the seeds in the recipe, tell me you didn't put the seeds in there as well Barry!) as well as two birds eye chillies would have had the average person seeing through time! Loved the idea of the lime slices on the skewers, good on ya Bazza!Uncle Barrys Magic Mushrooms -

www.heatbeads.com.au/competition.html

With the New Comish comes A few Changes.

2009-03-05T22:44:00.010+11:00

Christine Nixon is off to continue her work with the Bushfire rebuilding thingo. ...She has already done a fantastic job of eating all the livestock burned in the fires... and a cow that wandered past a bit slow... Now Big Simon has taken up the job.. Congrats on the job fella.. I am told a few changes have already been brought in across the troops... (apart from the 900 less pies the cafe has to order now Christine has gone)..Some are cost cutting others just silly... Starting with:

311 units being replaced with Patrol Camels in high "Towel Head" populated areas. This is to make the "newcommers" feel at home and also the camels are faster, and more easy to handle that the current vans....

SOG will longer have percussion grenades, smokers and tear gas to flush offenders from buildings... These guys will work twice as quickly and effectively!!!!

Tasers will not be introduced. Instead all frontline operational members will be trained in the use of a more effective, lower cost device for taking down violent offenders..........

Code 1 will be supplied with microphones only... Band members will be required to air guitar all songs...

People (or cartoon people) that can just FUCK OFF prt 3

2008-12-17T07:40:00.004+11:00

BEATBOXERS!!!!

Mp3 players are pretty cheap these days ya twats!!!

Uncle Barrys Shed Posters cont.

2008-12-14T00:06:00.004+11:00

Go and get fucked prt1

2008-12-04T18:45:00.003+11:00

I am not even going to try and come up with a smartarse comment.. I have reached the limit... thats it.. I have had a fucking gut full... I almost couldnt finish me porterhouse, mushroom sauce, chips and cold lager when ACA ran the story on teachers being encouraged to not use red pens!!!!!!! FOR FUCK FUCKING SAKE..... Heres an idea. lets get teachers to teach kids to HARDEN THE FUCK UP. What a joke.. surely its a joke??? someone tell me its a joke...!!!!! someone..anyone!!!! Fucking towel heads are taking over the joint and all these cunts are worried about is our digger aussie kids being offended by red pen.....I started to look for a link to a story about this bullshit but now ACA are doing a story on Victorias Secret... aparently Victorias secret is she has a cock.. and a ball bag..... christ... yep a bloke came up with the idea of skimpy, sexy, slutty, skanky undies for woman... yer yu could of knocked me down with a feather!!!!!!!

Check this link out..
http://www2.victoriassecret.com/collection/?cgname=OSPTYVERZZZ&cgnbr=OSPTYVERZZZ&rfnbr=1943

Now what was i talking about.... ooo who cares. weres me wank sock????...............

Bananas are not gay (unless ur putting them up ur coight)

2008-12-02T10:59:00.003+11:00

For those with a kettle Barby try these tasty little fuckers...

Barrys Bananas in Bacon

Normal fire, indirect cooking, 8-10 minutes, with lid on. Serves 6-8.
1-2 large firm bananas
2 tablespoons lemon juice
7-8 bacon strips
Hot pepper sauce
Peel the banana and cut it diagonally into thick slices. Toss the banana slices in the lemon juice and place 1 slice of banana on each bacon strip. Season them with a drop of hot pepper sauce and wrap the bacon around the banana. Secure the bacon with toothpicks. Cook them on the barbecue, with the lid on, for 8-10 minutes. Mad mad mad.......................................................

John So-Long

2008-12-01T13:30:00.005+11:00

As you may be aware Melbourne has a new Mayor.. We finaly fucked off that twat John So.. Thank Christ.. He was never my bro. In fact I could never understand a word the cunt was saying... I dont mind a little diversity but fucken hell............ A mayor that cant speak propar ingeesh... fuck me... Good to see and hear the arse end of ya John.. Apparently his departing words were " min a b yerar is gud tim an ish un mew cuncil ell and ull bis ta for mulbun, rrr sole" Uncle Barrys departing words to John are simply "dont burn the dim sims cunt"....

John So being a twat

John So with a nice piece of twat.....

Sportsman of the decade...

2008-11-27T09:52:00.002+11:00

John Daly......

Good on ya Johnny Boy.. Chain smoking fat cunts Australia wide salute ya.........

Chevy Badges on Bogandores

2008-11-25T20:02:00.003+11:00

Whats the go with these fuck wits (sorry that should be in capitals) FUCK WITS getting around in COMMONDORK UTES with Chevy Badges on them... Yer yer I get it... Its got a chevy motor in it... ooo you are too fully sick for me.. Hey the ol VLs had a Nissan motor in em. You dont see Uncle Barry racing down to "japspares" to snap up a few X-TRAIL badges for the chariot..................Like I had much pleasure of saying to the great Peter Brock over a can of lager at the Deniliquin bogan muster a few years back....."dosnt matter WHAT you do to it Brocky... Its still a commodore.....

Billy Ray Cyrus?

2008-11-20T21:37:00.007+11:00

Billy Ray Cyrus.... Remember Him???? He released this album that had no songs on it.......

Thought I was done with that cunt in 1993 when that even more cuntingly song achy breaky heart finally left the charts and our hearts...... But nooooooo, a lifetime later... and fuck me that prick looks familier me thinks as i sit with me 5 year old daughter watching her latest Hannah Montana DVD...( got to give it to ol Bazz Im on the ball. Not much gets past me except names, times, places ect....) Hang on Hannah Montanas dad is that Billy Ray Cunt... oooo yer Miley Cyrus... Billy Ray Cyrus.......Come in spinner........Funny thing is now I find myself having serious conversations around the billroy and lager with mates with kids the same age as mine, discussing how good he is.. fuck me whats going on.. he was shit.. shit i say.. Its a sad day when you realise you can relate to fucking Billy Ray Cyrus......

Good on Ya Billy... Your a dead set ledgend and welcome at Barrys Bar anytime.. As long as ya dont sing.........

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Ray_Cyrus

People (or cartoon people) that can just FUCK OFF prt 2

2008-11-18T12:40:00.005+11:00

Dave Hughes..

The partys over. Barrys had enough of your moaning and sooking. It was funny for the first month, now its just annoying... How sad on Rove Sunday night when possably the worlds funniest men Chriss Rock and Ben Stiller were talking about the Sydney Harbour Bridge and all this wanker could contribute was "Paul Hogan used to paint that bridge" in his winey little voice. What a waste of space... "Help me Hughsey" by fucking off so I can listen to Nova breakfast and enjoy Kate and Tim (who are very funny and genuinely witty) and watch Rove to enjoy a cast of funny and genuinely witty people... not listen to u banging on about shite..... and for Christ sake get that gap in ya teeth fixed before you get a fuckin tofu chicken stuck in it......................

Local Cuntcil Elections

2008-11-14T11:56:00.002+11:00

Local council elections are up in my area... Have a look at the candidates names for fuck sake..

Raziam Bokhazzi
Frankoz Merlinos
Stevenis Kozmevski
Kristol Pavlidid
Mohumid Buhagiar
Goran Torbakov
Chong lee Ng
Phulvinderjit Singh Grewal
Nassim Nassim... (lazy parents couldnt be fucked giving the twat a first name)

and finally the bloke who will surely be getting my vote
Barry Hill

On ya Bazz....

People (or cartoon people) that can just FUCK OFF pt1

2008-07-26T07:19:00.002+10:00

Dora The Explorer???

Talking shite with barry

2008-06-15T06:55:00.003+10:00

Famous people dying is even funnier when you know some one who knew them.... Uncle Barry told us when we were kids that he knew the bloke that wrote the Hockie Pokey,, A bloke called Larry LaPrise. Larry was a piss pot uncle Barry reckons. Uncle Barry told us when Larry died they put him in the coffin like put the left leg in and shake it all about... Uncle Barry reckons him and Spud Mackenzie pissed em selves for days. They did the whole song too.. apparently...

Uncle Barrys Pissed off All right!!

2008-06-15T06:46:00.004+10:00

Dear
Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Dick Smith has my address and telephone number and knows that I
bought a shithouse tv from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking
me where I was born and on what date?
You have my birth date on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30
years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last eight
bloody passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've
had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and
all those insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is
Maryanne, my father's name is Barry, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between
now and when I die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I apologise Minister, but I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you and
me, I've had enough of this bullshit! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for
my fucking address. What is going on? And would someone please tell me, why would you give
a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got
the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd
sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to the other end of the city and
get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of $60! Would it be so complicated to
have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new
passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make
sense. You'd rather have us running all over the fucking place like
dickheads, then find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me
on the goddamn picture -- you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile
in?!

Uncle Barry

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and

getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this

country since 1788 when one of my forefathers arrived in a convict ship

I have served in the military and have had security clearances up the

yingyang. I was aide de camp to the Governor of our State for three years,

and I have been doing volunteer work for the CMF for about five years.

However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know

someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FUCKING

CHINA!!!

Inside the NYPD - Episode 3: The K9 Unit

2008-05-06T17:06:00.001+10:00

Gay

aint it the farken truth

2008-03-19T11:11:00.001+11:00

Retard

2008-02-18T18:27:00.003+11:00

Chroming... What??? Sniffing paint??? What are you talking about officer.. I have never.... what!!!! Paint fumes,,,,,,,... no not me!!!!!!!!!!!

K9 Units

2008-02-18T18:24:00.002+11:00

We MUST get a Helicopter!!!!!!

Matchbox 20 can fuck right off

2008-02-18T18:20:00.002+11:00

To those Melbourne radio stations who insist on playing the new matchbox 20 stuff..... FUCKING STOP IT.........

Israeli attack dogs training to prevent Arab terror

2007-10-13T20:12:00.001+10:00

Have a look at these mad fuckers... Ive done some bite work but have a look at the bite drive in these dog......MAD. I dont know whos more retarded the dogs or the bloke that said " yer ill wear the bite suit today!!!" dumb cunt. The video starts out a bit gay.. and hows tubby.. mate we know why you ot into k9 you fat cunt.. The Malinois pup at the end has sold me.. I MUST HAVE A MALINOIS.....if only to see if the zap collar gets one to release the fucking mad bite... Uncle Barry reckons it got Auntie berryl to release...........

birthday party- release the bats (live hacienda 1982)

2007-10-03T08:38:00.001+10:00

Farts in the Matrix

2007-10-02T07:55:00.001+10:00

Proof there is nothing funnier than a good fart gag.......and proof im just a fucking kid..............