Real Estate agents will tell you anything.

"Perfectly comfortable and cosy, offering an ideal start to home ownership is this brick veneer built in 1947. Handy to the Botanical Gardens."

How could a house be HANDY to the botanical gardens? A good watering is handy to the gardens, fertiliser! thats handy to the garden NOT A FUCKING HOUSE. How good are the drugs this cunt is on? I thinked real farkin good"

"Property is situated in a prime location just a short stroll to all shops, schools, cafes and railway station."

Thats great... but how close is the closest bottlo you cunts...

"It has magnificent rural views of the valley and sitting on the front porch in the evenings watching the grazing kangaroos and the sun setting over the glittering lake is sure to relax anyone."

for fuck sake you REALY need to sell your house dont ya mate? yer I can picture me now sitting on the front porch , Billroy in one hand, shotgun in other, putting a stop to those fucking Kangaroos shiting all over the joint......cunts

"The property had maintenance done on it 3 years ago."

3 years ago?????. What the fuck have you been doing you lazy cunts.. "yer 3 years ago we had to clean Uncle Barrys vomit off the bricks out the front..yer thats the last we did anythink and that"

"This three bedroom period home has been relocated from Bendigo – why is that better?"

well to start with you aint in fuckin Bendigo anymore.

and yep I fell out me fuckin chair when I stummbeled apon a deceased estate in Maldon with "Views to die for"........for fuck sake!!!!!!!!